Hello Everyone;
This is a weird time of year for me. I'm still in the Christmas mode. I turned on Q99 hoping to hear some Christmas music... and nothing. Christmas is gone. Sure, we still have New Year - woopty doo! It's a holiday.. well, sort of a lame holiday.
The New Year holiday has a tough act to follow... Christmas. If you were a holiday, would you want to come on after Christmas? Think about it...
First, most people I know ( including myself ) are broke after Christmas. I mean busted. There is no money left to spend on New Year. Christmas has drained our bank account. Christmas is the one time of year most of us go big. We go all out. We blow big bucks and say we'll worry about it after New Year.
Second, New Year means we all want to be a better person. We want to change all our sinful behavior. New Year's Resolutions... we have all ate like little pigs during Christmas and a week later we are making resolutions to lose weight. We have spent money like Rockefellers and a week later we are making resolutions to better manage our money. Splurge like crazy for Christmas and a week later reel it in for New Year... what kind of lame holiday is this?
What do you do New Years Day anyway? You don't exchange gifts. You don't eat a big meal. You don't visit family. You don't go shopping. How do you celebrate this stupid holiday? There is nothing to do. It's just a long boring day. Unless you like college football... It's a lame holiday.
I can't seem to figure out this holiday. Why do we celebrate it? I somehow expect something to be different from the time I go to bed New Years Eve and wake up New Years morning. But it never is.
Then there is New Years Eve. Cool people have plans on New Years Eve. I never do. I can't remember the last time we did anything on New Years Eve. New Years Eve serves as a reminder that I have very few friends and really no social life. Heck, I'm lucky if I even stay up to midnight! It's sort of depressing!. Other people are enjoying being together and having fun and I am sitting in my recliner watching Dick Clarks New Years Rocking Eve with Carson Daly. Trying to get excited about watching a ball drop. How pathetic is that? It's a lame way to celebrate a lame holiday.
I have one New Years Resolution. This year I am not spending New Years Eve in front of the TV watching Carson Daly. I refuse! I plan to go bed early and sleep late. I'm sleeping through it this year! After all... it's a lame holiday.
Thanks and we'll talk more later.
Lanny Ray
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Need Number Four
Hello Everyone;
Well, I haven't posted anything on the blog since July. I felt like I was stretching trying to keep the blog AND the emails going. I told myself if this ever became work ... I would stop. If it's not fun - then why bother. I have no goals for the blog and emails other than to share a laugh. I try not to take myself, the blog or the emails too seriously. I am fairly secure in my sense of relevance.
I think social media and the internet has provided people a platform to feed their need for relevance. It seems to me people are finding a source to secure their relevance through" blogging" "tweeting" "friending" and whatever the latest trend might be. I think you could make a strong argument that the need for relevance could come right after the three great needs of man. Let's call it "Need Number Four."
"Need Number Four" drives people to extremes to achieve it. Think about what people will do just to satisfy their need to matter.
For example: Someone you know dies. You Google the funeral home to get the website. Then you find the obituary tab on their site. You scroll down to the "online condolence" section. You know there will be many other "condolences" submitted. So, you pull out all the stops and write a literary masterpiece. In your most fluent and eloquent style, you write your most comforting condolence. You like what you wrote. You know it's good. You are sure all others will pale in comparison.
So then you save the funeral home website to your "favorites" for instant access. You can't wait for the approval of your masterpiece. You check back every ten minutes... then BOOM...there it is...in all it's glory. You hope the family has read and appreciated your literary effort. You know they are going to be moved with compassion as soon as they read it. You have no plans of attending the viewing or funeral or even sending flowers. But your condolence is so totally awesome that it hardly matters.
For the next week you are going to the obituary ( which you have saved to "favorites") several times a day. Reading all the other condolences and each time reading yours again. There is no contest. Your condolence is far and away superior to all others. Then when you read one from someone you know ( and aren't that fond of ) and you bask in the glow of totally blowing them away.
And just in case someone wanted to congratulate you... you post your full name and contact information.
Just one example of people going to extreme measures aided by technology to achieve "Need Number Four." I am thinking about "Need Number Five"... any ideas?
Thanks and we'll talk more later;
Lanny Ray
Well, I haven't posted anything on the blog since July. I felt like I was stretching trying to keep the blog AND the emails going. I told myself if this ever became work ... I would stop. If it's not fun - then why bother. I have no goals for the blog and emails other than to share a laugh. I try not to take myself, the blog or the emails too seriously. I am fairly secure in my sense of relevance.
I think social media and the internet has provided people a platform to feed their need for relevance. It seems to me people are finding a source to secure their relevance through" blogging" "tweeting" "friending" and whatever the latest trend might be. I think you could make a strong argument that the need for relevance could come right after the three great needs of man. Let's call it "Need Number Four."
"Need Number Four" drives people to extremes to achieve it. Think about what people will do just to satisfy their need to matter.
For example: Someone you know dies. You Google the funeral home to get the website. Then you find the obituary tab on their site. You scroll down to the "online condolence" section. You know there will be many other "condolences" submitted. So, you pull out all the stops and write a literary masterpiece. In your most fluent and eloquent style, you write your most comforting condolence. You like what you wrote. You know it's good. You are sure all others will pale in comparison.
So then you save the funeral home website to your "favorites" for instant access. You can't wait for the approval of your masterpiece. You check back every ten minutes... then BOOM...there it is...in all it's glory. You hope the family has read and appreciated your literary effort. You know they are going to be moved with compassion as soon as they read it. You have no plans of attending the viewing or funeral or even sending flowers. But your condolence is so totally awesome that it hardly matters.
For the next week you are going to the obituary ( which you have saved to "favorites") several times a day. Reading all the other condolences and each time reading yours again. There is no contest. Your condolence is far and away superior to all others. Then when you read one from someone you know ( and aren't that fond of ) and you bask in the glow of totally blowing them away.
And just in case someone wanted to congratulate you... you post your full name and contact information.
Just one example of people going to extreme measures aided by technology to achieve "Need Number Four." I am thinking about "Need Number Five"... any ideas?
Thanks and we'll talk more later;
Lanny Ray
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Inferiority Complex
Hello everyone;
Sometimes I wonder, "what's left to write about?" Maybe I have covered it all. Maybe I have burned through all my charm and wit. Who am I kidding with all these little "Rambles" anyway?
I am certainly not a writer. Don't know the first thing about literary style and technique. What am I doing out here in cyber space posting on a blog? Heck, I didn't even create this blog! Someone else had to do it for me!
Yet, here I am...
To finish up July I have just a few thoughts on this topic:
"Inferiority Complex."
Oh, yeah... I have this big time! This is real stuff. Major Inferiority Complex! Consider the following:
A persistent sense of inadequacy or a tendency to self-diminishment, sometimes resulting in excessive aggressiveness through overcompensation. YES! I have that!
Psychiatry a disorder arising from the conflict between the desire to be noticed and the fear of being humiliated, characterized by aggressiveness or withdrawal into oneself. YES! HELLO!!
That's me in a nutshell!
Being social in a group setting is an absolute strain for a person with an Inferiority Complex. Other people are just smarter. They read more. They have a better education. They have been to more places. They have experienced more. They have better ideas. They make more money. Drive nicer cars. Am I reaching anybody?
Oh sure, if they want to talk some Andy Griffith... then I'm all over it. But they rarely do...
I read an article recently about people with Inferiority Complex-(es) and the author had this to say:
"Create an invisible wall around you in order to protect the sanctity of your being."
Oh, great! Now I feel even more Inferior because I have no idea what that means. All the author did was confuse me. What does this mean?! All I know is that for years I have been going around with the "Sanctity of my being" un-protected. Little wonder I have such an Inferiority Complex.
I took a Myers-Briggs assessment which rated me as an extreme introvert. I was off the charts. I was on the far right hand side of the graph. The administrator suggested jobs which do not require dealing with the public. She said I should avoid extended periods of public interaction. She said I would need to set aside time everyday to be alone and re-charge. She asked what I did and I told her and that I was also a preacher... she looked at me and said "HOW?"
Oh, great! I have an Inferiority Complex coupled with severe Introversion. This is enough to send someone into Manic Depression.
Yes, I have learned to mask it well. Yes, I have learned to successfully manage. People can only see the outside. They can only see the suave, debonaire and sophisticated shell. They cant see past the handsome, well dressed, articulate and humorous exterior. And for that I am truly thankful!
Thanks and we'll talk more later,
Lanny Ray
Sometimes I wonder, "what's left to write about?" Maybe I have covered it all. Maybe I have burned through all my charm and wit. Who am I kidding with all these little "Rambles" anyway?
I am certainly not a writer. Don't know the first thing about literary style and technique. What am I doing out here in cyber space posting on a blog? Heck, I didn't even create this blog! Someone else had to do it for me!
Yet, here I am...
To finish up July I have just a few thoughts on this topic:
"Inferiority Complex."
Oh, yeah... I have this big time! This is real stuff. Major Inferiority Complex! Consider the following:
A persistent sense of inadequacy or a tendency to self-diminishment, sometimes resulting in excessive aggressiveness through overcompensation. YES! I have that!
Psychiatry a disorder arising from the conflict between the desire to be noticed and the fear of being humiliated, characterized by aggressiveness or withdrawal into oneself. YES! HELLO!!
That's me in a nutshell!
Being social in a group setting is an absolute strain for a person with an Inferiority Complex. Other people are just smarter. They read more. They have a better education. They have been to more places. They have experienced more. They have better ideas. They make more money. Drive nicer cars. Am I reaching anybody?
Oh sure, if they want to talk some Andy Griffith... then I'm all over it. But they rarely do...
I read an article recently about people with Inferiority Complex-(es) and the author had this to say:
"Create an invisible wall around you in order to protect the sanctity of your being."
Oh, great! Now I feel even more Inferior because I have no idea what that means. All the author did was confuse me. What does this mean?! All I know is that for years I have been going around with the "Sanctity of my being" un-protected. Little wonder I have such an Inferiority Complex.
I took a Myers-Briggs assessment which rated me as an extreme introvert. I was off the charts. I was on the far right hand side of the graph. The administrator suggested jobs which do not require dealing with the public. She said I should avoid extended periods of public interaction. She said I would need to set aside time everyday to be alone and re-charge. She asked what I did and I told her and that I was also a preacher... she looked at me and said "HOW?"
Oh, great! I have an Inferiority Complex coupled with severe Introversion. This is enough to send someone into Manic Depression.
Yes, I have learned to mask it well. Yes, I have learned to successfully manage. People can only see the outside. They can only see the suave, debonaire and sophisticated shell. They cant see past the handsome, well dressed, articulate and humorous exterior. And for that I am truly thankful!
Thanks and we'll talk more later,
Lanny Ray
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Bare Feet
Hello everyone;
I guess this a pet peeve. Probably doesn't bother anyone ...except me. But I am extremely uncomfortable and somewhat annoyed by people who go bare foot a lot. I find it rather disgusting. And we are coming into bare foot season. We are going to be seeing a lot of ugly feet and I am not looking forward to it. Some will dismiss this... but consider the following with an open mind.
"Bare Feet"
One thing that turns my stomach is men with extremely hairy toes! OMG! This is totally disgusting! Men who have this thick black hair sprouting out of their toes... I mean it's been allowed to just grow wild since puberty. These guys look like something out of a freak show. Big ugly hairy toes! Who wants to see that? You know that mess growing on their feet has never seen any soap or shampoo. The best it can hope for is some water may splash on there in the shower. And these guys are proud of it! A sign of being a "manly man" is having this unruly thick mess of hair all over your toes. Come on man! If you HAVE to go bare foot, then trim that ugly mess!
Here is an idea... if you MUST go barefoot in public... how about washing those nasty feet! People who go barefoot are not concerened about keeping their feet clean. They seem to be happy to run around with dirty, black feet. Sometimes it looks CRUSTY black. You can tell the dirt is really ground in. The heel of their foot is often dry and cracked. You have seen it! Their feet look like something from a horror show.
Listen if you insist on going barefoot ... how about a little foot maintenance! Is that too much to ask?
The problem has become so big that stores have had to implement policies: " No shoes, no shirt, no entry." You have seen the signs. "Shoes and shirts required." This barefoot bunch has gotten out of hand to the point where stores have had to take action. I am just thankful that SOMEONE had the courage to stand up to this offensive habit.
People who go barefoot don't care how their feet look. They impose this grotesque sight on the rest of us. They will say, "well, look the other way." Not that easy to do. Your eyes are drawn to it. They are sending your brain messages... "hey, look at this disgusting sight." You can't help but notice!
And as far as I'm concerned... wearing sandals is the same as going barefoot. It has the same effect. Those ugly feet are still on display for all to see. AND wearing flip flops... you are saying, "hey, look at my ugly feet AND listen to the annoying sound of smack, smack, smack with every step I take."
Feet are just gross. They smell. They're ugly. It's a part of the body that is a bit personal. I am uncomfortable around people who are not wearing shoes... or at least socks. I NEVER go barefoot unless I am sleeping, in the shower or at the pool. My feet are private. I don't wish to share them with the rest of the world. If I ever did, i would at least be considerate of others and keep up foot maintenance.
Unless your feet are REALLY attractive ( and I mean women here) put on some shoes. We'll all thank you.
Thanks and we'll talk more later;
Lanny Ray
I guess this a pet peeve. Probably doesn't bother anyone ...except me. But I am extremely uncomfortable and somewhat annoyed by people who go bare foot a lot. I find it rather disgusting. And we are coming into bare foot season. We are going to be seeing a lot of ugly feet and I am not looking forward to it. Some will dismiss this... but consider the following with an open mind.
"Bare Feet"
One thing that turns my stomach is men with extremely hairy toes! OMG! This is totally disgusting! Men who have this thick black hair sprouting out of their toes... I mean it's been allowed to just grow wild since puberty. These guys look like something out of a freak show. Big ugly hairy toes! Who wants to see that? You know that mess growing on their feet has never seen any soap or shampoo. The best it can hope for is some water may splash on there in the shower. And these guys are proud of it! A sign of being a "manly man" is having this unruly thick mess of hair all over your toes. Come on man! If you HAVE to go bare foot, then trim that ugly mess!
Here is an idea... if you MUST go barefoot in public... how about washing those nasty feet! People who go barefoot are not concerened about keeping their feet clean. They seem to be happy to run around with dirty, black feet. Sometimes it looks CRUSTY black. You can tell the dirt is really ground in. The heel of their foot is often dry and cracked. You have seen it! Their feet look like something from a horror show.
Listen if you insist on going barefoot ... how about a little foot maintenance! Is that too much to ask?
The problem has become so big that stores have had to implement policies: " No shoes, no shirt, no entry." You have seen the signs. "Shoes and shirts required." This barefoot bunch has gotten out of hand to the point where stores have had to take action. I am just thankful that SOMEONE had the courage to stand up to this offensive habit.
People who go barefoot don't care how their feet look. They impose this grotesque sight on the rest of us. They will say, "well, look the other way." Not that easy to do. Your eyes are drawn to it. They are sending your brain messages... "hey, look at this disgusting sight." You can't help but notice!
And as far as I'm concerned... wearing sandals is the same as going barefoot. It has the same effect. Those ugly feet are still on display for all to see. AND wearing flip flops... you are saying, "hey, look at my ugly feet AND listen to the annoying sound of smack, smack, smack with every step I take."
Feet are just gross. They smell. They're ugly. It's a part of the body that is a bit personal. I am uncomfortable around people who are not wearing shoes... or at least socks. I NEVER go barefoot unless I am sleeping, in the shower or at the pool. My feet are private. I don't wish to share them with the rest of the world. If I ever did, i would at least be considerate of others and keep up foot maintenance.
Unless your feet are REALLY attractive ( and I mean women here) put on some shoes. We'll all thank you.
Thanks and we'll talk more later;
Lanny Ray
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
How I Used To Torture Wasps
Hello everyone;
Mid April conjures up thoughts of .... mosquitoes, bees, ants, gnats, spiders, lady bugs, stink bugs, and those ugly little bugs with a thousand legs. Give me a break with all these freaking bugs! I hate them! They seem to get worse every year. You can't go outside without being attacked. April means BUGS! I dread to see it roll around. I have seen Jarrod's legs look like somebody has been throwing darts at him from the mosquitoe bites. And the bees... yellow jackets, bumble bees, hornets... and WASPS!
So, here is my April ramble on Wasps! A true story.
"How I Used To Torture Wasps"
When I was still home my bedroom was upstairs. A big sliding window faced the road in the front of the house. Opening the window, you could step right out onto the shingled roof. I loved that room! Except for the fact that every Spring all the way through the Fall, I fought the Wasps who loved to congregate inside that big window. There would sometimes be a dozen or more just crawling around on the inside of the glass. Like a scene from a horror movie. And I was stung a few times. Thus started my mind to working. Simply killing these little pests seem to merciful. So, one day I had an idea:
Back in those days tennis balls used to come in actual tin cans. Not aluminium - but actual metal cans. I played some tennis in those days and was pretty good. ( But that's another ramble.) Anyway, I always had some tennis ball cans lying around. In the beginning I would take the tennis ball can and simply crush the guts out of the Wasps against the window. It was fun hearing their little body crunch against the glass. Their guts would actually ooze out and you could watch life leave their little bodies. It was fun - but it was quick. Too quick!
When they sting you it hurt for days. And it hurt bad! I decided crushing these little pests was too easy on them. They deserved more pain and anguish! They should suffer more. Their punishment should fit their crime.
So, here is what I came up with: I caught a live wasp in the tennis can and secured his imprisonment with the plastic lid. Then I shook the can as hard as I could. You could hear him hitting the sides and bottom of that metal can. I would spin it around and around. Upside down and all around. Just violentley shaking him in that tennis can. I would peek in from time to time and check on him. I didn't want to kill him too quick. When I would lift the lid to peek in ... he would be on the bottom just staggering around like a drunk.
When I realized he couldn't do anything but wobble around on the bottom of the can and not fly... I had another idea. I got a box of matches and put a lit match to the outside bottom of the can. Burn Baby Burn! I heated the bottom of that can till it turned red. Match after match. I gave that Wasp a taste of hell. It was awesome! You should have seen him... to weak and disoriented to do anything but stumble on the bottom and slowly cook. The only thing better than watching one fry on the bottom of the can... watching a bunch of them fry to a crisp!
But now... tennis balls come in plastic containers! Awe... for the good old days.
Thanks and we'll talk more later;
Lanny Ray
Mid April conjures up thoughts of .... mosquitoes, bees, ants, gnats, spiders, lady bugs, stink bugs, and those ugly little bugs with a thousand legs. Give me a break with all these freaking bugs! I hate them! They seem to get worse every year. You can't go outside without being attacked. April means BUGS! I dread to see it roll around. I have seen Jarrod's legs look like somebody has been throwing darts at him from the mosquitoe bites. And the bees... yellow jackets, bumble bees, hornets... and WASPS!
So, here is my April ramble on Wasps! A true story.
"How I Used To Torture Wasps"
When I was still home my bedroom was upstairs. A big sliding window faced the road in the front of the house. Opening the window, you could step right out onto the shingled roof. I loved that room! Except for the fact that every Spring all the way through the Fall, I fought the Wasps who loved to congregate inside that big window. There would sometimes be a dozen or more just crawling around on the inside of the glass. Like a scene from a horror movie. And I was stung a few times. Thus started my mind to working. Simply killing these little pests seem to merciful. So, one day I had an idea:
Back in those days tennis balls used to come in actual tin cans. Not aluminium - but actual metal cans. I played some tennis in those days and was pretty good. ( But that's another ramble.) Anyway, I always had some tennis ball cans lying around. In the beginning I would take the tennis ball can and simply crush the guts out of the Wasps against the window. It was fun hearing their little body crunch against the glass. Their guts would actually ooze out and you could watch life leave their little bodies. It was fun - but it was quick. Too quick!
When they sting you it hurt for days. And it hurt bad! I decided crushing these little pests was too easy on them. They deserved more pain and anguish! They should suffer more. Their punishment should fit their crime.
So, here is what I came up with: I caught a live wasp in the tennis can and secured his imprisonment with the plastic lid. Then I shook the can as hard as I could. You could hear him hitting the sides and bottom of that metal can. I would spin it around and around. Upside down and all around. Just violentley shaking him in that tennis can. I would peek in from time to time and check on him. I didn't want to kill him too quick. When I would lift the lid to peek in ... he would be on the bottom just staggering around like a drunk.
When I realized he couldn't do anything but wobble around on the bottom of the can and not fly... I had another idea. I got a box of matches and put a lit match to the outside bottom of the can. Burn Baby Burn! I heated the bottom of that can till it turned red. Match after match. I gave that Wasp a taste of hell. It was awesome! You should have seen him... to weak and disoriented to do anything but stumble on the bottom and slowly cook. The only thing better than watching one fry on the bottom of the can... watching a bunch of them fry to a crisp!
But now... tennis balls come in plastic containers! Awe... for the good old days.
Thanks and we'll talk more later;
Lanny Ray
Monday, March 18, 2013
Duck Dynasty
Good afternoon everyone;
Last two posts we were talking about my brilliant ideas for employment. Of the two ( Funeral Preacher and Appointment Security Services) I am going with Funeral Preacher. Be watching for my listing in the yellow pages. Now, let's move on...
I have noticed almost everywhere I go all people can talk about is "DUCK DYNASTY." This show is the hottest thing to come along in a while. So, here is my take on Duck Dynasty. I hope you enjoy!
"Duck Dynasty"
If I am a program executive at NBC, CBS, ABC, or FOX - I have got to be scratching my head about now. I would have to be thinking, "REALLY"?
My first reaction to the show was total confusion! I didn't understand it. I tried to find a plot and understand the story line. I tried to figure out what the underlying message was. I looked for characters to identify with and relate to. I felt frustrated thinking I missed what the writers were trying to convey. I wanted to understand it. Was this a comedy, a drama, a true story based on actual events?? I just didn't get it.
My second reaction was this is total stupid! Who are these people? How did THEY get on TV? What idiots thought this would make good entertainment? I had questions... Why are people interested in a bunch of Louisiana, back woods red-necks who don't shave? Who smell? Who will eat just about anything? Who make duck calls? I thought this is STUPID! I can't believe I am actually watching this. I am a very busy person. I have important things to attend to. And here I am watching a bunch of ZZ TOP look-alikes make duck calls. I must be crazy!
My third reaction was this is total hilarity! HILARIOUS! I am laughing out loud at this show. The more I watch, the more I am liking it. Before I know it... I am making plans to watch it! We are hurrying home from church on Wednesday night to catch it. My son is recording the episodes. Listen, I am watching re-runs of the show and laughing like it's the first time I have ever seen it! Not only am I watching it all the time... I am going around saying "JACK." I have picked up SI ROBERTSON's catch phrase. What's next... a long beard and a bandana? Heaven help me!
If you haven't watched this show... listen to me, watch it! Don't try and figure it out. Turn your brain off.
Just enjoy 30 minutes of side splitting, mind numbing, red-neck, hilarity. You will laugh, I promise. " Hey, I'm talkin' 'bout laughin' JACK!
Thanks and we'll talk more later.
Lanny Ray
Last two posts we were talking about my brilliant ideas for employment. Of the two ( Funeral Preacher and Appointment Security Services) I am going with Funeral Preacher. Be watching for my listing in the yellow pages. Now, let's move on...
I have noticed almost everywhere I go all people can talk about is "DUCK DYNASTY." This show is the hottest thing to come along in a while. So, here is my take on Duck Dynasty. I hope you enjoy!
"Duck Dynasty"
If I am a program executive at NBC, CBS, ABC, or FOX - I have got to be scratching my head about now. I would have to be thinking, "REALLY"?
My first reaction to the show was total confusion! I didn't understand it. I tried to find a plot and understand the story line. I tried to figure out what the underlying message was. I looked for characters to identify with and relate to. I felt frustrated thinking I missed what the writers were trying to convey. I wanted to understand it. Was this a comedy, a drama, a true story based on actual events?? I just didn't get it.
My second reaction was this is total stupid! Who are these people? How did THEY get on TV? What idiots thought this would make good entertainment? I had questions... Why are people interested in a bunch of Louisiana, back woods red-necks who don't shave? Who smell? Who will eat just about anything? Who make duck calls? I thought this is STUPID! I can't believe I am actually watching this. I am a very busy person. I have important things to attend to. And here I am watching a bunch of ZZ TOP look-alikes make duck calls. I must be crazy!
My third reaction was this is total hilarity! HILARIOUS! I am laughing out loud at this show. The more I watch, the more I am liking it. Before I know it... I am making plans to watch it! We are hurrying home from church on Wednesday night to catch it. My son is recording the episodes. Listen, I am watching re-runs of the show and laughing like it's the first time I have ever seen it! Not only am I watching it all the time... I am going around saying "JACK." I have picked up SI ROBERTSON's catch phrase. What's next... a long beard and a bandana? Heaven help me!
If you haven't watched this show... listen to me, watch it! Don't try and figure it out. Turn your brain off.
Just enjoy 30 minutes of side splitting, mind numbing, red-neck, hilarity. You will laugh, I promise. " Hey, I'm talkin' 'bout laughin' JACK!
Thanks and we'll talk more later.
Lanny Ray
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Appointment Security Services ( A.S.S.)
Hello everyone;
In the past two blogs we have been talking about "Funeral Preachers" and "Pall Bearers" as a profession. Several of you have said the "Funeral Preacher" idea was spot on. I thank you for the kind support and encouragement. I would be a natural for this position. I just have to figure out how to package and sell the idea.
If the "Funeral Preacher" job doesn't pan out - I do have another idea. I have always heard you shouldn't put all your eggs in on basket. ( I don't want all my eggs in one basket...if I ever manage to get any eggs that is.) So, if I can't preach funerals, please tell me what you think of this idea:
"Appointment Security Services" ( A.S.S.)
What is "A.S.S." you ask? "A.S.S." is a professional appointment security service founded in 2013 by Lanny Ray Belcher. Here is how it works:
Let's say you are having a furniture delivery to your home. They give you a four hour window within which your furniture will be delivered. You are a busy professional and can't afford to miss four hours of work waiting around for furniture. You pick up the phone and call "A.S.S." An A.S.S. representative takes your information and schedules an appointment to be at your home to receive the furniture delivery. Boom! It's done and you don't miss a whole afternoon from work.
There are all kinds of situations where you might need A.S.S. I dare say not a week or two goes by that you couldn't benefit from A.S.S.
Think about how frustrating it is to have be subjected to some delivery schedule that disrupts your day. The plummer is coming by, but can't get to you until 2:30 in the afternoon next Wed. You happen to have a Dr.s appointment and can't be there to let him in...what do you do? Call A.S.S.! An A.S.S. representative shows up 30 minutes prior, let's the plummer in, watches him to ensure he doesn't steal anything, signs the paperwork, gives him a check, makes sure the work is done properly, and locks up when he leaves. How awesome is that?
There are tons of applications. You are having an appliance delivered. Satellite installed. New carpet laid. The painter is coming. Orkin is coming to spray. You name it! The list is endless.
You never have to be inconvenienced again. You never have to worry about missing work for a scheduled home appointment. A.S.S. is there for you. A.S.S. gives you the peace of mind knowing that a responsible professional is at your home watching over your most valued asset when you can't be there.
Vacations are no longer a problem. And forget about those expensive petting sitting kennels. A.S.S has you covered.
A.S.S. offers other services like taking the car in for service. An A.S.S. representative will take your car in, wait for the repair to be completed, and then deliver your car to your home or office. Do you need the dry cleaning taken or picked up? At A.S.S., we are happy to help.
At A.S.S., we specialize in making your life easier and freeing up your schedule. Your time is far to valueable to waste it sitting around. Call A.S.S today for a FREE consultation!
Thanks and we'll talk more later;
Lanny Ray
In the past two blogs we have been talking about "Funeral Preachers" and "Pall Bearers" as a profession. Several of you have said the "Funeral Preacher" idea was spot on. I thank you for the kind support and encouragement. I would be a natural for this position. I just have to figure out how to package and sell the idea.
If the "Funeral Preacher" job doesn't pan out - I do have another idea. I have always heard you shouldn't put all your eggs in on basket. ( I don't want all my eggs in one basket...if I ever manage to get any eggs that is.) So, if I can't preach funerals, please tell me what you think of this idea:
"Appointment Security Services" ( A.S.S.)
What is "A.S.S." you ask? "A.S.S." is a professional appointment security service founded in 2013 by Lanny Ray Belcher. Here is how it works:
Let's say you are having a furniture delivery to your home. They give you a four hour window within which your furniture will be delivered. You are a busy professional and can't afford to miss four hours of work waiting around for furniture. You pick up the phone and call "A.S.S." An A.S.S. representative takes your information and schedules an appointment to be at your home to receive the furniture delivery. Boom! It's done and you don't miss a whole afternoon from work.
There are all kinds of situations where you might need A.S.S. I dare say not a week or two goes by that you couldn't benefit from A.S.S.
Think about how frustrating it is to have be subjected to some delivery schedule that disrupts your day. The plummer is coming by, but can't get to you until 2:30 in the afternoon next Wed. You happen to have a Dr.s appointment and can't be there to let him in...what do you do? Call A.S.S.! An A.S.S. representative shows up 30 minutes prior, let's the plummer in, watches him to ensure he doesn't steal anything, signs the paperwork, gives him a check, makes sure the work is done properly, and locks up when he leaves. How awesome is that?
There are tons of applications. You are having an appliance delivered. Satellite installed. New carpet laid. The painter is coming. Orkin is coming to spray. You name it! The list is endless.
You never have to be inconvenienced again. You never have to worry about missing work for a scheduled home appointment. A.S.S. is there for you. A.S.S. gives you the peace of mind knowing that a responsible professional is at your home watching over your most valued asset when you can't be there.
Vacations are no longer a problem. And forget about those expensive petting sitting kennels. A.S.S has you covered.
A.S.S. offers other services like taking the car in for service. An A.S.S. representative will take your car in, wait for the repair to be completed, and then deliver your car to your home or office. Do you need the dry cleaning taken or picked up? At A.S.S., we are happy to help.
At A.S.S., we specialize in making your life easier and freeing up your schedule. Your time is far to valueable to waste it sitting around. Call A.S.S today for a FREE consultation!
Thanks and we'll talk more later;
Lanny Ray
Thursday, February 7, 2013
The Pall Bearer
Hello Everyone!
Ready for the Funeral Preacher part two? I have had several people tell me I should seriously pursue this. Some preacher buddies have wanted in on it. One even asked to be my assistant! Over lunch recently my cousin Susan ( the woman who talked me into this BLOG ) gave me some advice on how to get started. My Aunt Cherry wanted in by being a professional mourner! Seems there is some substance to my idea.
Not everyone can be The Funeral Preacher. But don't despair - there is still a possible option...
"The Pall Bearer"
These guys are the "VIP's" at the funeral! They get special recognition before, during and after the funeral. They are really celebrities at this event.
Think about the perks: You get your name in the paper. You get your name in the funeral bulletin. You get front row reserved seating. You get a flower for your lapel. You get preferred parking. Man, they treat Pall Bearers like royalty! It's the job to have if you enjoy being in the spotlight!
It seems the family is always one short. Ever notice that? The Head Pall Bearer goes around with a pencil and paper trying to recruit someone. Usually there are a few guys who quickly come to mind. The Head Pall Bearer knows what he's looking for... a Big Ole Boy! If you have ever been a Pall Bearer you will agree with me - it helps when you've got a Big Ole Boy!
Young guys make good Pall Bearers. Teen agers are great candidates. For some it's the only time you will ever see them in a tie - or do anything even resembling work.
I have never seen a woman Pall Bearer. It seems that equal rights activists are content to leave this alone. I think women should be treated equal as men. We shouldn't deny them their right to be a Pall Bearer.
The funeral home should have one Pall Bearer on staff. Just in case something happens. The staff Pall Bearer could be professionally trained. The Pall Bearers need instruction. He could be the boss. The Funeral Director has to be there telling the Pall Bearers what to do - so why not have a professional actually doing it. Have a man on the job that knows what he's doing. Many of these Pall Bearers have never done it before - they don't have a clue. Imagine the peace of mind the Pall Bearers would have knowing there is a professional on the job - right there with them.
Listen, why leave the body in the hands of un-trained amateurs. The funeral home should step it up a notch by hiring a professional Pall Bearer. Its a glamorous job. Other than the dead guy - they are the star of the show. The Funeral Preacher - and The Pall Bearer...what a great package!
Thanks and we'll talk more later,
Lanny Ray
Ready for the Funeral Preacher part two? I have had several people tell me I should seriously pursue this. Some preacher buddies have wanted in on it. One even asked to be my assistant! Over lunch recently my cousin Susan ( the woman who talked me into this BLOG ) gave me some advice on how to get started. My Aunt Cherry wanted in by being a professional mourner! Seems there is some substance to my idea.
Not everyone can be The Funeral Preacher. But don't despair - there is still a possible option...
"The Pall Bearer"
These guys are the "VIP's" at the funeral! They get special recognition before, during and after the funeral. They are really celebrities at this event.
Think about the perks: You get your name in the paper. You get your name in the funeral bulletin. You get front row reserved seating. You get a flower for your lapel. You get preferred parking. Man, they treat Pall Bearers like royalty! It's the job to have if you enjoy being in the spotlight!
It seems the family is always one short. Ever notice that? The Head Pall Bearer goes around with a pencil and paper trying to recruit someone. Usually there are a few guys who quickly come to mind. The Head Pall Bearer knows what he's looking for... a Big Ole Boy! If you have ever been a Pall Bearer you will agree with me - it helps when you've got a Big Ole Boy!
Young guys make good Pall Bearers. Teen agers are great candidates. For some it's the only time you will ever see them in a tie - or do anything even resembling work.
I have never seen a woman Pall Bearer. It seems that equal rights activists are content to leave this alone. I think women should be treated equal as men. We shouldn't deny them their right to be a Pall Bearer.
The funeral home should have one Pall Bearer on staff. Just in case something happens. The staff Pall Bearer could be professionally trained. The Pall Bearers need instruction. He could be the boss. The Funeral Director has to be there telling the Pall Bearers what to do - so why not have a professional actually doing it. Have a man on the job that knows what he's doing. Many of these Pall Bearers have never done it before - they don't have a clue. Imagine the peace of mind the Pall Bearers would have knowing there is a professional on the job - right there with them.
Listen, why leave the body in the hands of un-trained amateurs. The funeral home should step it up a notch by hiring a professional Pall Bearer. Its a glamorous job. Other than the dead guy - they are the star of the show. The Funeral Preacher - and The Pall Bearer...what a great package!
Thanks and we'll talk more later,
Lanny Ray
Monday, January 28, 2013
The Funeral Preacher
Hello Everyone!
Guess what...? The BLOG is changing yet again! I have decided NOT to do the devotional. It's not what Ray's Ramblings was meant to be. I am sticking with my original idea - to write about things I encounter in everyday life.
These are my "Ramblings"... not a devotional. I am still trying to figure out this whole BLOGGING thing and where I fit. Please be patient with me. I will eventually get this. It's frustrating having all this genius! I struggle with finding the best method to communicate it.
When it's all said and done, I want people to laugh and say, "Yes, I can relate." "I have experienced that - but never had the nerve to say it." I hope that happens. We'll see...
"The Funeral Preacher"
I am going to start a career in the funeral business. I am going to be the "Funeral Preacher." I have discovered a REAL need!
I am going to hire myself out to the local funeral homes. I will be the staff "Funeral Preacher." As part of the package the funeral home offers - they can now offer a new service, "Funeral Preacher."
The funeral home has been missing this all important piece for way too long. They have thought of everything except the "Funeral Preacher." They put the burden on the family to find their own funeral preacher. Well, no more. Families can rest at ease knowing they have the "Funeral Preacher."
How many times does this happen? The family has made all the arrangements - but they have no preacher. They turn to the funeral director for help and he doesn't know what to say. Now, he can say, we have a funeral preacher on staff. He can sell it as part of the pre-need package. What a relief! This family is going to think this funeral home is awesome! They are going to recommend them to all their friends.
Just think about all the people who are out of church and have no pastor. Boom! They are now covered. This is a very large segment of the population. It seems to me, in this day and time, you would have an ever growing customer base. People drop out of church every week. But they still need a "Funeral Preacher."
I even have the advertising slogan for the funeral homes... "No Preacher - No Problem, Now Offering The Funeral Preacher." Catchy, don't ya think?
Maybe the phone book people will add the category of "Funeral Preacher" in the yellow pages. Anyone have any ideas for marketing "Funeral Preacher" on social media? ( Susan?)
They say "word of mouth" is the best advertising. So, tell all your friends about the "Funeral Preacher." I will also sing. But that will cost extra.
Thanks and we'll talk more later,
Lanny Ray
Guess what...? The BLOG is changing yet again! I have decided NOT to do the devotional. It's not what Ray's Ramblings was meant to be. I am sticking with my original idea - to write about things I encounter in everyday life.
These are my "Ramblings"... not a devotional. I am still trying to figure out this whole BLOGGING thing and where I fit. Please be patient with me. I will eventually get this. It's frustrating having all this genius! I struggle with finding the best method to communicate it.
When it's all said and done, I want people to laugh and say, "Yes, I can relate." "I have experienced that - but never had the nerve to say it." I hope that happens. We'll see...
"The Funeral Preacher"
I am going to start a career in the funeral business. I am going to be the "Funeral Preacher." I have discovered a REAL need!
I am going to hire myself out to the local funeral homes. I will be the staff "Funeral Preacher." As part of the package the funeral home offers - they can now offer a new service, "Funeral Preacher."
The funeral home has been missing this all important piece for way too long. They have thought of everything except the "Funeral Preacher." They put the burden on the family to find their own funeral preacher. Well, no more. Families can rest at ease knowing they have the "Funeral Preacher."
How many times does this happen? The family has made all the arrangements - but they have no preacher. They turn to the funeral director for help and he doesn't know what to say. Now, he can say, we have a funeral preacher on staff. He can sell it as part of the pre-need package. What a relief! This family is going to think this funeral home is awesome! They are going to recommend them to all their friends.
Just think about all the people who are out of church and have no pastor. Boom! They are now covered. This is a very large segment of the population. It seems to me, in this day and time, you would have an ever growing customer base. People drop out of church every week. But they still need a "Funeral Preacher."
I even have the advertising slogan for the funeral homes... "No Preacher - No Problem, Now Offering The Funeral Preacher." Catchy, don't ya think?
Maybe the phone book people will add the category of "Funeral Preacher" in the yellow pages. Anyone have any ideas for marketing "Funeral Preacher" on social media? ( Susan?)
They say "word of mouth" is the best advertising. So, tell all your friends about the "Funeral Preacher." I will also sing. But that will cost extra.
Thanks and we'll talk more later,
Lanny Ray
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